


Blessed Be the Boys Time Can't Capture

by Eirlys



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I just have a lot of feelings about the three of them, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Infidelity, Kayfabe Compliant, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, when will the Shield let me rest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-06 17:45:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4231014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirlys/pseuds/Eirlys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slammy Awards 2015: Dean and Seth won the Rivalry of the Year category.</p><p>November 2015: Seth was injured. Dean was still listed as his emergency contact.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bad trip I couldn't get off

**Author's Note:**

> Because Slammy 2015 hasn't happened yet, all the people/matches nominated here are in my imagination. (But I will be so happy if they win :D)
> 
> The title and chapter tittles are lyrics from Fall Out Boy's The Kids Aren't Alright.

“What the fuck.” – Dean stared at the text he just received in disbelief.

Apparently the Slammy Awards would be tomorrow; and Dean just got a text saying he was nominated for some categories: Superstar of the Year, Match of the Year, and Rivalry of the Year. Two of those he shared with Seth Rollins.

His ex-teammate, ex-best friend, ex-boyfriend who betrayed him over a year ago Seth Rollins.

“You okay?” – Roman shot him a look from the other bed in the room.

His phone chimed as well; and after Roman had looked at the text, Dean asked curiously:

“Which categories?”

“Superstar of the Year and Match of the Year for the WrestleMania match.”- Roman replied. – “What about you?”

Dean sighed and tossed Roman his phone. Roman read the text and burst out laughing.

“Well, I guess the Money in the Bank match deserves it.” – He offered. – “And hey, we’re both nominees for Superstar of the Year. That’s great right?”

Dean lied down on his stomach and buried his head under a pillow.

“Can’t they choose a match where I won?” – His muffled. – “And I fought many other guys too, why the hell should we… that scumbag and I… be nominated for Rivalry of the Year?”

Roman crawled into Dean’s bed without stepping down on the floor and took Dean’s pillow to pat his head gently.

“You guys fought a lot this year. I can’t remember how many Ambrose vs. Rollins hashtags I’ve seen.”

“Aren’t you supposed to comfort me or something?” – Dean whined. – “And you’re patting me like I’m a dog Ro.”

Roman laughed again and leaned down to kiss Dean’s cheek.

“I am comforting you.” – He offered Dean a smile. – “You deserve to win.”

“Who the fuck is gonna get the trophy then?” – Dean groaned. – “I hate that slimy scumbag Seth. I’m gonna bash his face in with the trophy if he tries to take it from me.”

“Well, if you win both categories then each of you can take one.” – Roman shrugged. – “And you know that’s not true.”

“What? You don’t think I’m gonna bash his face in?” – Dean scoffed. – “I will, just watch me.”

“No.” – Roman shook his head. – “I mean you know you don’t hate him.”

Dean stiffened underneath Roman’s hand. He knew Roman was right. Seth betrayed them and since then Dean had made it his personal mission to make Seth’s life a living hell.

But no, he didn’t hate Seth.

_He couldn’t._

“Whatever.” – He mumbled and put an arm around Roman’s middle. – “If I win both of those categories, I’m gonna run to the stage and steal both trophies. If that scumbag or the hobbits try to stop me, I’ll hit them with the trophies. Do you think J&J can get shorter if I hit them on the head repeatedly?”

Roman just rolled his eyes while Dean kept rambling on. He knew Dean acted like he hated Seth in front of the cameras. But once Roman actually caught Dean looking at Seth backstage. Seth had been alone so it was a perfect opportunity for a sneak attack, but Dean had simply stood there and watched him silently with an unreadable expression. Roman had had to yell Dean’s name a few times to get his attention.

“Dean.” – He whispered Dean’s name softly, his hand still playing with a few strands of Dean’s hair.

“Uh huh?” – Dean looked up at him expectantly. – “Do you think we’ll win enough trophies to play bowling with them?”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. Instead he leaned down and kissed Dean’s lips.

“I love you.” – Roman murmured.

“I love you too.” – Dean smiled. – “Can we buy a bowling ball in advance? I’m pretty sure we can play it one day.”

Roman kissed him again. He knew that there would always be a part of Dean that loved Seth; and he was okay with that, as long as there was a part of Dean that loved him too.

* * *

 

Dean had just finished taping his hands when there was a knock on his locker room. He assumed it was Roman since he was pretty much the only one who ever visited Dean.

He raised his eyebrows when he opened the door and saw Seth standing there alone.

“Let me guess. You want the trophies.” – Dean scoffed. – “In your dreams, Bieber. If we win I’m taking them home.”

He held back a groan as he realized that he had just referred to Seth and him as “we.” Lucky for him Seth didn’t seem to catch that. In fact, Seth was just staring at him.

“You need something?” – Dean tried to be as uninterested as possible.

“It’s been more than a year.” – Seth sighed. – “Can’t we just talk like two civilized adults?”

“I don’t know. Can you talk to an unhinged lunatic?” – Dean knitted his eyebrows. – “That’s what you called me right, Bieber?”

Seth sighed again and gestured at Dean’s door.

“I just want to talk to you privately. Can I come in?”

Dean thought for a few moments and opened his door wider anyway. He was curious at what Seth had to say. And if he pissed Dean off, Dean could use it as an excuse to hit him. Fantastic.

“Talk.” – Dean sat down on the bench in front of his locker and folded his arms in front of his chest, waiting.

“So I betrayed you and Roman a year ago.” – Seth started.

Dean scoffed and Seth immediately stopped talking. Instead he waited for Dean to speak.

“Shouldn’t start a conversation with that.” – Dean shook his head.

“Fine. And I already explained to you, it’s nothing personal, okay? The Shield was gonna break up sooner or later. I just took it upon myself to end it there and then. Nothing personal.”

“Really?” – Dean smirked. – “Our group was practically untouchable for two years. And we won against Evolution every time. And you fucking sold us out. And hit Roman and me repeatedly with a chair. And we had been dating before that. But okay, Seth. It was nothing personal.”

“I wanted to get to the top. And that was the only way.” – Seth shrugged. – “Look where I am now.”

“Congratulations for choosing the easy way out.” – Dean mocked. – “You done? I have to go get my trophy soon.”

Jerry Lawler was announcing the Rivalry of the Year Award on TV. The nominees were Dean and Seth, Roman against Bray Wyatt, Sheamus against Ziggler, and Brock Lesnar against Seth.

“I hope if you and Lesnar win, he will beat you to a pulp when you both come out to get the trophy.” – Dean murmured.

“Very funny.” – Seth sighed. – “What if we win?”

“You deaf?” – Dean raised his eyebrows. – “I already told you, I’m gonna take the trophies home.”

“Wanna race to the stage?” – Seth offered, still not looking at Dean.

“The fuck?” – Dean stared at him in disbelief. – “How old are you, Rollins?”

“I wanna get as many trophies as possible so that I can play bowling with them.” – Seth shrugged.

Dean blinked in amazement. How the hell did they have the same (wacky) idea anyway?

He opened his mouth to suggest maybe they can rock-paper-scissors for this trophy, but he couldn’t because Seth was kissing him.

Dean wondered why he kissed back instead of pulling away. He touched Seth’s face to deepen the kiss and he _felt_ more than heard Seth’s growl. Seth pushed him against the lockers and immediately put his hands underneath Dean’s T-shirt.

The noises from the TV startled them both. They stopped kissing but Seth didn’t move away. Dean could feel Seth’s breaths on his lips.

_“And the winners for Rivalry of the Year is: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins!”_

Dean chuckled against Seth’s lips.

“Congratulations.”

“You too.” – Seth smiled back and gently kissed Dean again. – “You should take the trophy.”

Dean was silent for a while and suddenly he pushed Seth away from him.

“Damn right I will.” – He smirked again and headed to the door.

Seth just smiled at the empty room and turned his attention back to the TV. Sure enough, Dean’s music hit and the crowd became wild. Seth wondered if he should go back to his locker room because Jamie and Joey would surely be looking for him. But when Seth saw Dean coming up the stage he decided that he could stay a little bit. Dean’s speeches were usually short anyway.

“Uh… thanks I guess?” – Dean scratched his hair and looked at the trophy. – “Seth’s a scumbag and I enjoyed every minute of making him miserable.”

The crowd cheered wildly and Seth tried not to feel offended.

“But I have to admit that he always brings the fight.” – Dean continued. – “So thank you for this. And I really hope I get more opportunities to beat him up in the future.”

Everyone applauded again and Seth couldn’t hold back a smile. Then he saw Dean leave the stage. Seth thought about leaving as well when he heard a knock on the door.

“Did you run back or… something?” – Seth asked as he opened the door.

He froze mid-sentence when he saw Roman standing there, looking just as surprised as Seth.


	2. Maybe I bit off more than I could chew

“Roman.” – Seth acknowledged.

Roman wanted to punch his face there and then. But before he could say anything, Dean appeared around the hallway and literally murmured “fuck” before walking faster to Roman and Seth and stepped in between them, his back to Seth, facing Roman.

“Hey Ro.” – Dean used his most cheerful tone and blocked Seth out of Roman’s view.

“You guys look like I just caught you doing something illegal.” – Roman raised his eyebrows.

“I won the thing.” – Dean waved the trophy in front of Roman.

“I know.” – Roman gave him a quick smile. – “That’s why I came over to congratulate you. But it looks like you’re… busy.”

“I just came here to talk.” – Seth murmured from behind Dean. – “No need to get so defensive, big man.”

Dean turned around and glared at him. Roman was now resisting the urge to pounce at Seth. Instead he thought of a better idea and kissed Dean’s cheek when he turned around, his eyes still on Seth.

“Congratulations, baby.” – Roman smirked at Seth.

“Thanks.” – Dean mumbled. – “So, you wanna come in or are you just gonna glare at him here all night?”

“I’ll come in.” – Roman put an arm around Dean protectively.

“Me too.” – Seth looked at that arm and turned around to open Dean’s door wider.

Dean walked over to the bench he had previously sat, and since Roman still had an arm around him he sat down next to him as well. Seth just stood there awkwardly in front of them.

“Can I see the trophy?” – He asked curiously.

Dean just shrugged and handed over to him before turning to Roman.

“You have a match tonight?”

“Yeah, with Ziggler.” – Roman nodded and moved a strand of Dean’s hair away from his forehead.

“It doesn’t feel like gold.” – Seth turned the trophy over a few times.

“You have a few of them already. Why so surprised?” – Roman shot him an annoyed look.

Seth just rolled his eyes at Roman and stared back at the closeness between Dean and Roman in confusion.

“Is this new?” – He gestured at them.

“You left more than a year ago, so I don’t think you have a say in any of our lives.” – Dean shrugged. – “But yeah. Roman and I are together.”

Roman practically grinned at that. Seth knitted his eyebrows at Dean, as if he was asking _“Then why the fuck were we kissing?”_

“You done talking to Dean yet?” – Roman narrowed his eyes. – “He and I have some celebration to do later.”

Dean punched his arm but Seth could see he was amused.

“Actually I’m not.” – Seth scoffed and looked at Dean. – “So if we win Match of the Year, who’s gonna take the trophy?”

“We won’t.” – Dean shrugged. – “I mean, you and I won’t. Pretty sure the WrestleMania match is gonna win. If that is the case I guess you guys have to decide who’s taking the trophy, one of you, or Lesnar.”

Roman glared at Seth again as if he was saying, “don’t you dare go out there.” Seth wanted to protest that technically he had stolen the show because he had won the match. But Roman’s stare stopped him. Usually Roman was a nice person to almost everyone. However, seeing that Seth had basically betrayed both him and Dean and had also broken Dean’s heart in the process, it was no surprise that Roman thought of him as an enemy now.

“I’m taking it.” – Roman finally said and stood up. – “Gotta get ready for my match. I’ll see you later, alright?”

Seth almost nodded before he realized Roman was talking to Dean. Smiling at him, to be specific. And Dean smiled back, one of the easy grin that meant he was comfortable around someone. Seth missed that. There had been a time when Dean had smiled at him like that too.

“Good luck with your match.” – Dean waved when Roman reached the door.

“Thanks.” – Roman smiled but his smile disappeared when he looked back at Seth.

“Good luck.” – Seth blurted out as well.

All he got in return was a glare before Roman slammed the door shut.

“So you’re with Roman.” – Seth sat down on the bench.

“Pretty sure we’ve established that already.” – Dean chuckled. – “But yeah, I’m with Roman.”

“But we kissed.” – Seth stared at him.

“You kissed me.” – Dean shrugged. – “I didn’t initiate it.”

“You responded.” – Seth couldn’t believe what he was hearing. – “ Very enthusiastically, I might add. Why didn’t you tell me you and him are a thing?”

“Because I had no idea you were gonna kiss me.” – Dean retorted and suddenly stood up. – “I thought you came to bribe me into letting you get the trophy. I thought about beating you up. And then you just had to kiss me. I didn’t fucking expect that okay?”

Seth stared at him and blinked a few times. He really had no explanation for why he kissed Dean. They had been talking, _like old times,_ Dean had been right next to him; and it had been so easy to just kiss him, effortless almost.

So Seth had done just that.

“Okay.” – Seth nodded. – “That’s my fault.”

“Look at that, someone finally decided to grow up and admit his mistake for once.” – Dean smirked, but Seth could see he only halfheartedly meant it.

“How long?” – Seth suddenly asked. – “Have you guys been together?”

Dean shot him a curious look.

“A while.” – Dean shrugged. – “Are you done? You stay here any longer and the hobbits would come knocking.”

Seth actually had no idea why he had come to Dean’s locker room in the first place. He had thought about Dean while watching their previous matches together. They had battled each other so much this past year.

“I miss you.” – Seth whispered.

Dean visibly froze and avoided his eyes. Seth didn’t blame him. He felt lucky that Dean didn’t punch him in the face there and then.

“You miss me.” – Dean acknowledged. – “Little late for that, don’t you think?”

“I know.” – Seth nodded. – “I just want you to know that I do.”

Dean was surprised that any anger he had felt since last June had disappeared. No matter how many times Seth and him tore each other apart in the ring, he could never truly hate Seth.

He didn’t let Seth know that though. It just complicated things.

“You seem to be really happy around Roman.” – Seth continued.

“’Cause he’s the only one around here who got my back.” – Dean shrugged. – “The only one I can trust, to be honest.”

Seth smiled understandably and stood up.

“I’m glad. I should probably go.”

“Right. I’ll see you around.” – Dean nodded and headed toward the door as well.

Dean’s hand was on the door handle when Seth kissed him again. He found himself responding to the kiss even more easily than the last time. He missed Seth too, he just never let himself admit that out loud. At one point Dean was pretty sure he let out an embarrassing moan when Seth gently bit his lower lip.

Old habits died hard.

Seth let go of Dean’s lips and Dean whined at the loss of contact. Still, he was glad that Seth didn’t move away because he could still feel Seth’s breaths on him when Seth spoke.

“Do you love him?” – Seth’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Dean had completely forgotten that he was with Roman when Seth kissed him.

“Yeah.” – Dean nodded.

He was with Roman, he loved Roman. He knew that what they were doing was wrong. But he couldn’t stop.

He could never think straight when it came to Seth.

“Okay.” – Seth smiled and quickly kissed Dean again. – “It was really nice talking to you again.”

Dean nodded one more time and turned the door handle. He had been gripping on it so tightly that his hand was hurting.

“Hope you win Match of the Year.” – Dean murmured.

Seth flashed him a grin before he walked out of the locker room.

He wished he knew how to stop.

* * *

 

Dean was right. The WrestleMania main event was the Match of the Year. Seth was the one to come out and received the Slammy, but when he was babbling on about how he had stolen the show at WrestleMania, Brock Lesnar’s music hit and he looked petrified. However, only Paul Heyman came out so Seth just cackled and pretty much ignored him and finished his speech. When he was done and was about to leave, Roman came out and gave him a Superman punch and the audience just went crazy.

Afterwards, Roman knocked on Dean’s door again. When Dean opened the door, Roman grinned at him and Dean grinned back.

_This was what he should focus on. Roman and him against the world._

“Gotta admit, any time I can get my hands on Seth, I feel great.” – Roman smiled.

_“I know the feeling.”_ Dean almost said.


	3. As the crooked smiles fade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past events are italicized.

* * *

_Dean was observing Seth carefully._

_Their match against Evolution was in less than thirty minutes. However, Seth had been restless ever since Payback started about an hour ago. Usually Dean was the one who couldn’t keep still for longer than a minute, but Seth had been pacing the locker room non-stop._

_“You okay?” – Dean asked._

_“Yeah fine.” – Seth waved his arm in dismissal. – “Just… preparing myself.”_

_“For what?” – Roman raised his eyebrows. – “Evolution is the one who should be preparing themselves. We’ve beaten their asses before. We got this.”_

_Dean nodded, but Seth was still visibly tense. Roman just sighed. He knew that sometimes their little brother would worry about anything so he wanted to give Seth some space. Dean on the other hand, stepped closer to Seth and touched Seth’s shoulders._

_“Look at me.” – Dean whispered. – “Is there something wrong? You’re not actually worried about Evolution, right?”_

_Seth stared at him for a few seconds then tore his eyes away._

_“I told you, I’m just preparing myself. Why is it so hard for you to believe? Is it because you never care about anything? No plans whatsoever? It doesn’t matter what we do as long as we get to fight?”_

_Roman’s eyes widened in disbelief. Sure, Seth was usually a bit high-strung, but Roman had never seen him lash out at someone, let alone Dean. Dean was taken aback as well, but his hands remained on Seth’s shoulders regardless._

_“Alright.” – Dean nodded. – “Spit it out Princess. What the fuck is bothering you? Are you contemplating walking out on us again?”_

_Roman stopped in his track._

_“What did you say?” – Seth glared at Dean. – “I thought we’re over this? Are you gonna bring it up every time you’re upset with me?”_

_“I’m not fucking upset with you.” – Dean practically yelled. – “I’m trying to figure out what the fuck is making you… like this.”_

_Roman stepped in between them, facing Seth. Usually the arguments among them would be between Roman and Dean and Seth would act as the peacemaker, but today Roman could see something was clearly setting Seth on edge._

_“Seth.” – He called his name calmly. – “Dean doesn’t mean that. He is just worried about you. We both are. We’re gonna face Evolution in twenty minutes. We should prepare ourselves.”_

_The underline message was clear. “We shouldn’t fight among ourselves” was what Roman meant to say._

_Seth blinked at him a few times. Dean still looked agitated, but he knew that Roman was right. They had all the time in the world to fight later._

_“I’m sorry.” – Dean murmured. – “For bringing up stuffs in the past.”_

_“I’m sorry too.” – Seth said half-heartedly and went back to pacing around the room._

_Dean looked at Roman who sighed in defeat._

* * *

_  
If Dean had any doubt about Seth walking out on them again, it all disappeared after the match. The Shield had won in the most spectacular way possible. Seth basically jumped down from a high ramp onto Randy and Triple H; and Roman capitalized their win when he pinned Batista._

_They had beaten Evolution again._

_Currently they were back in the hotel room. Roman had dibs on the bathroom first so Seth and Dean were the only ones in the room._

_“You okay?” – Dean looked at Seth in concern. He had watched the jump and it was incredible._

_“You asked that already.” – Seth said in dismissal. – “I’m fine.”_

_Dean sighed and kneeled down in front of Seth. He gently cupped Seth’s face in his hands. He really hoped Seth wouldn’t push him away._

_Seth didn’t. Instead, he took one of Dean’s hands in his and stared at him intently._

_“I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk today.” – Seth apologized. – “I… don’t know what happened to me before the match.”_

_“It’s alright.” – Dean smiled at him quickly. – “Are you sure you’re fine? I know Randy and Triple H took the fall but still.”_

_Dean moved a few strands of Seth’s hair away from his forehead. After the match Dean had led Seth and Roman back to the trainer’s office to make sure Seth hadn’t had a concussion from the fall._

_“I’m okay.” – Seth smiled and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. – “You know that I love you right? You can’t forget that, okay?”_

_Dean blinked in confusion. Seth was not the touchy feely type. Throughout their one-year relationship, maybe he had said that he loved Dean three times in total._

_“I’m not gonna forget.” – Dean replied. – “I love you too.”_

_Seth had a relieved smile on his face and Dean couldn’t help but kiss him again. Dean felt like something was different about this kiss. Seth seemed more urgent, more desperate, like it was the last time he would kiss Dean. So Dean tried to convey his every feeling into the kiss. He wanted Seth to know that they were okay, that nothing would come between them._

_“You guys know we are all sharing a room right?” – Roman’s voice broke off the kiss. – “Can you leave the celebration for when you get home? I need to sleep.”_

_Dean laughed, but he noticed that Seth didn’t._

* * *

 

Roman and Dean went to a small bar after Raw. Dean had managed to avoid Seth throughout the night. He was sure that Seth would come to his locker room at the end of the show so he stayed in Roman’s room after his match against Sheamus.

“Ro?”

“Yeah?” – Roman replied.

“Remember that time I was really craving Pepsi?” – Dean asked.

Roman noticed that Dean was holding a whiskey glass in his hand but nodded anyway. Leave it to Dean to talk about sodas when he was having alcohol. But he was used to this side of Dean by now. Sometimes Dean would remember the most random things.

“They didn’t have it anywhere near the hotel we were staying so I got you root beer instead.” – Roman recalled.

“And root beer was good. There’s nothing wrong with it. Smells fine, tastes fine. And since I was craving something similar to it, I drank it without a second thought. And I wasn’t thirsty anymore. But… it wasn’t what I wanted.”

Roman turned to the side so that he could face Dean. He had an idea where this might be going.

“Root beer was great, really great.” – Dean continued. – “And I’m sure some people love root beer more than anything in the world.”

“But you wanted Pepsi.” – Roman finally said. – “Anything else doesn’t matter.”

Dean nodded.

“Are you breaking up with me?” – Roman asked hesitantly.

He had been preparing for this moment ever since he asked Dean out. Roman had been having the biggest crush on Dean ever since they met in NXT. He hadn’t let anyone know that though. And after the Shield was formed, Seth and Dean had gotten together so Roman had continued keeping his mouth shut. But after Seth had betrayed them, Roman had seen how much Dean was hurting and it pained him that he couldn’t do anything to help. So he offered Dean the only thing he thought Dean would accept: comfort.

It was the biggest surprise when Dean kissed him.

 _“Please stay with me”_ was what Dean had said after. And Roman planned on doing just that. It wouldn’t matter whether they stayed together as friends or lovers or anything else. He only needed to be with him. It would be enough.

“What?” – Dean scoffed. – “Why would I do that?”

“I’m obviously root beer in your story.” – Roman shrugged. _“And Seth is Pepsi,”_   he wanted to add.

“No.” – Dean shook his head. – “I just suddenly remembered it. There’s really no point to my story.”

Roman didn’t look like he believed him.

“I’m not breaking up with you, I love you.” – Dean said in a serious tone.

Roman stared at him without saying anything else and finished his own tequila. He knew that Dean was random, but something must have made him remembered that story. It wasn’t nothing.

“You don’t believe me.” – Dean smiled bitterly. – “Do you think I would have stayed with you if I didn’t love you?”

Roman’s silence pretty much confirmed what Dean had thought.

“Is this because of Seth?” – Dean asked. – “Because he went to my locker room? That meant nothing, okay. I didn’t know he would come.”

“You looked like you got caught cheating.” – Roman finally replied. – “When I saw you guys in front of the door.”

Dean wondered if he should tell Roman about the kiss. The _kisses_ , actually.

“To be honest, my feelings for him haven’t completely gone away.” – Dean confessed. – “But I’m with you now. I love you.”

Dean thought that it was the most “I love you”s he had said in months. Because apparently he had had to assured both Seth and Roman that he loved Roman.

“Does he want you back?” – Roman asked instead.

He felt that Dean was being genuine about his feelings. Dean rarely talked about his feelings toward Seth so Roman wanted to take advantage of this moment as best as he could.

“I don’t know.” – Dean shrugged. – “It wouldn’t matter if he does, though.”

“What if he still loves you?” – Roman was still insistent.

Dean was quiet for a while before he finally replied.

“Too bad, then.”


	4. I'll be yours when it rains it pours

Dean and Roman went together to the taping of SmackDown on Tuesday and parted way at Dean’s locker room since Roman had an opening segment. About five seconds after Roman had left, Dean heard a knock on his door.

He wondered what Roman had forgotten.

When he opened the door, he saw Seth standing there again.

“You know, when I said ‘see you around’ yesterday, I was just being polite. I don’t actually expect to see you again so soon.” – Dean sighed. – “What do you want?”

“To talk.” – Seth shrugged and stepped into Dean’s room quickly.

“Oh please come in. Make yourself at home.” – Dean rolled his eyes.

He should really stop assuming that Roman was the only one who would visit him now.

Seth was pacing back and forth. Then he stopped and looked at Dean for a few seconds before continued pacing.

“I thought you wanted to talk, not to walk.” – Dean stared at him. – “What’s up, Rollins? We haven’t spoken for over a year. You showed up yesterday and suddenly you think that you can just be a part of my life again?”

Seth stopped walking.

“I made a mistake.”

“No kidding.” – Dean scoffed. – “Just to clarify, which mistake are you talking about? There are so many I lost count.”

“I told you, I don’t regret becoming a part of the Authority.” – Seth explained. – “I just regret breaking up with you.”

_“And it took you one year to realize that and finally kiss me again last night? A year, really?”_ Dean thought bitterly.

“A bit late for that.” – He chose to say instead.

He did not want to give Seth the satisfaction of knowing how he felt again. He still was not sure if he was over Seth, at all, but there was no way he would admit that out loud.

“I know.” – Seth smiled sadly. – “I just want to say I’m sorry. I know I’ve hurt you countless times, especially when I’m with the Authority.”

Dean scoffed and Seth immediately stopped talking.

“You don’t get it do you?” – He asked slowly. – “I couldn’t care less about the times you hurt me after you left. To be honest, I’m used to it. And I’m not mad that you wanted and chose to leave either. It’s the way you did it, Seth. Instead of talking to us about what Triple H had been feeding you, or your fear that we’re not gonna make it, or how fed up you are of us, or anything, you just went and did everything behind our backs, Seth. That’s what I was… still am pissed off about.”

Dean had no idea how long he had held on to those thoughts. Probably since Seth left. He never shared them with Roman, wonder why.

Seth looked taken aback. Which was very satisfying to Dean. How often would he have a chance to make Seth shut up?

“I’m…”

“… Sorry, I know.” – Dean cut him off. – “But I can’t forgive you.”

_“Yet,” he_ wanted to add.

He didn’t though.

“I totally understand.” – Seth nodded. – “Right, uhm… that’s all I want to speak you to about, really. So I’m gonna go now, before you decided that maybe you want to fight me or something.”

Dean almost let out a laugh. But then he remembered he was still mad at Seth. But then it was a year ago, so he should just chill.

And he smiled at him. Which felt to foreign and familiar at the same time.

The last time he had genuinely smiled at Seth, without any form of sarcasm or bitterness or hurt or irony, was June 2, 2014. They were getting ready to leave for Raw and Seth had said he needed to be there early.

“In all fairness, it should probably take me less than a year to forgive someone.” – Dean sighed. – “I don’t hold grudges or anything usually.”

Seth took a step toward him and Dean just stood there, without moving forward or stepping back.

Seth took another step.

“I’m sorry I betrayed you.”

Dean nodded silently, still watching him without moving an inch.

“I’m sorry that although you’ve brought me nothing but happiness, I’ve only brought you pain.”

That sentence hit Dean harder than he thought.

“Not true.” – He objected. – “We had some good times too.”

“We did.”

There was another step. Seth was standing right in front of Dean now; and Dean was having trouble focusing on anything else but the brown _so brown_ eyes staring at him.

“What are you doing?” – Dean asked with an alarmed tone when Seth’s right hand came up and gently touched his cheek. – “Rollins, I don’t know if you have short-term memory or something, but Roman and I made it quite clear yesterday that we’re dating.”

Seth froze at the sound of his last time coming out of Dean’s mouth. Dean only called him by his last name when he was angry.

“I know that you guys are dating.” – Seth let his hand drop down at his side. – “Sorry, it’s just… a habit.”

“We broke up over a year ago.” – Dean scoffed.

“Right.” – Seth nodded. – “I’m gonna leave now, for real. But thank you for agreeing to talk to me.”

“Well you didn’t really give me a choice, forcing your way into the room and everything. But you’re welcome anyway. It’s good to have closure I guess.”

“Can we… be friends?” – When he was at the door, Seth asked hopefully.

Dean considered shutting the door to Seth’s face. Somehow he managed to control himself. But exes as friends? Fuck no.

“Probably not.” – Dean shrugged. – “Acquaintances. Colleagues. Co-workers.”

“But we know each other way back.” – Seth protested. Dean could swear he saw something that resembled a pout.

“We did. Not anymore.” – Dean tried to put it as casually as possible. – “See you around Seth.”

This time he closed the door.

 

 

 

Dean took a deep breath before knocking on Roman’s locker room door. SmackDown was over and they were planning to drive back to Roman’s house tonight. A few seconds later, the door was opened and Dean automatically smiled when he saw Roman.

“Ready to go?” – Dean asked, surprised at how soft his voice was when he talked to Roman.

“Yep, all set.” – Roman smiled back and stepped out of the room, his duffel back already on his shoulder.

“Ugh, I can’t wait to fall asleep on a real bed.” – Dean yawned as they headed toward the parking lot. – “I think the hotel beds are killing me.”

“With our job, I honestly doubt it’s the beds that are killing you.” – Roman chuckled and took Dean’s hand in his.

Dean suddenly forgot what he was talking about. He should have gotten used to this by now. Roman had always been an affectionate friend so it was natural that he would be even more passionate to Dean now that they were dating. Still, Dean was surprised that Roman was willing to let everyone know about their relationship.

“Seth stopped by my locker room earlier.” – Before he knew what he was doing, Dean was already spilling out those words.

Roman’s hand stilled for a few seconds.

“What did he want?” – Roman asked neutrally.

“To apologize.” – Dean replied. In general, it was true.

“Anything else?”

_“He almost kissed me again. And I almost didn’t stop him.”_

“Asked if we could be friends.” – Dean answered.

Roman laughed for a while after that. Dean joined in, although he had to convince himself the bitterness he was feeling was not real.

 

 

 

“Why are you in the driver’s seat?” – Dean raised his eyebrows.

“Because I want to get home soon, but safely.” – Roman shrugged. – “Just get in, Dean. The drive’s short anyway, only two hours away.”

“Yeah but I can get us there in one hour.” – Dean complained but walked over to the other side anyway.

“Yes, but I also need the car to be there in one piece.” – Roman smiled. – “Take a nap, I’ll wake you up when we arrive.”

“No way.” – Dean shook his head. – “If I’m gonna sleep, it’ll be on a real bed.”

Roman chuckled and began driving.

Their drive was often quiet. They had known each other for so long that sometimes words were not necessary. The silence was usually comfortable. But somehow today Dean felt like he was hiding something from Roman.

“You okay?” – Roman asked quietly.

“Peachy.” – Dean replied automatically. – “Bit tired I guess, but alright. You?”

“Kinda worried because Seth suddenly turned his attention to you after a year of silence.”

“Okay.” – Dean nodded. – “Wasn’t expecting that, but okay. I reminded him, today, that we’re together.”

“I don’t think he cares.” – Roman looked over at him briefly with a sad expression.

_“This again.”_ Dean thought and asked Roman to pull over.

“Ro, I’m in love with you, okay?” – Dean turned to Roman as soon as the car stopped. – “And even if you doubt that, there’s no way I would even consider getting back together with him.”

“You loved him.” – Roman smiled sadly. – “I think you still do. And no matter how far away he is, I know that he still loves you.”

“Did you know that I was so scared of the words ‘I love you?’” – Dean suddenly asked. – “I didn’t like saying those words. It felt like I was baring my heart to someone and praying that they won’t break it. But, I lost count of how many times I’ve said those words to you, because they actually mean something. So, no, I’m not in love with Seth anymore; I’m in love with you.”

Roman stared at him for a while.

“Actually, do you mind driving?” – He eventually asked. – “I’d like to get home as fast as possible.”

Dean laughed and leaned over to kiss him.


	5. Stay thirsty like before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for not updating this sooner. I had no inspirations but then the Ambrolleigns rivalry is back and I'm so happy!!!

* * *

Dean woke up because Roman’s hair was tickling his nose. Somehow in their sleep, their legs tangled together and Dean’s right arm was going numb. But he felt content, happy and perfectly peaceful lying in Roman’s bed.

They both had a few days off and Dean intended to spend all of them with Roman. In bed, sure, but other places would be nice too.

He yawned and carefully sat up to massage his arm. Roman stirred and wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist instantly, as if he could feel the body heat next to him had already disappeared and he wanted it back.

Dean smiled, thinking this was how he wanted to wake up for the rest of his life.

That thought scared him a little. Less than two years ago he was in love with a man he thought was his best friend. Said man then betrayed him so he turned to his other best friend and that was basically the best decision he had ever made.

Then his phone vibrated on the bedside table so Dean looked at the screen. It was a strange number. Still, he picked up the phone; sometimes Triple H or Stephanie used different phones to call people.

“Hello?”

 _“Ambrose, good morning.”_ – Stephanie greeted him.

“Is everything okay?” – He asked, already feeling more awake than ever. Something was wrong. Normally she never called his early in the morning.

 _“No. Seth was injured at the house show yesterday in Ireland.” –_ She replied quickly _. – “He’s in the hospital now, he just got out of surgery. His emergency contact is you, so I thought I’d let you know.”_

Dean felt cold all of a sudden, although he was still sitting beside Roman on the bed.

“Is he okay? How serious is the injury? Why didn’t you tell me yesterday?”

 _“The hospital called you a few times but you weren’t answering your phone.” –_ Stephanie said _. “He tore some knee ligaments. He’ll be out six to nine months.”_

Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He looked down at his phone and like Stephanie had said; there were some missed calls last night.

“Where is he now?”

_“He’s back in Iowa.”_

Dean sighed and realized that Roman had woken up next to him. By the look on his face, he had heard most of the conversation.

“Okay, thanks for letting me know.” – Dean said. – “I’ll be there soon.”

 _“You don’t have to.” –_ Stephanie explained _. – “I’m only telling you this because apparently that’s what Seth wanted, but you don’t have to come.”_

“Is anyone with him?” – Dean shot Roman an apologetic look.

_“No.”_

“Then I’ll be there soon.” – Dean repeated. – “Thanks Stephanie.”

When she hung up, he looked at Roman again.

“Something wrong with Seth?” – Roman asked, but he looked like he already expected Dean to say yes.

“Tore his knee ligaments, out for at least six months.” – Dean stood up and walked to the closet. He had been staying with Roman for so long that most of his clothes were here already. – “No one’s with him right now so I think I’ll go to Iowa to see how he’s doing. I’ll go back home first and I’ll head there straight away.”

He picked out a few T-shirts, jeans and some boxers. Then he realized it was freezing in Iowa during the winter so he grabbed a couple hoodies and leather jackets as well and stuffed them in his duffel bag. He wondered why Seth wanted to spend the winter in the cold weather of Iowa instead of picking some sunny places, Florida for example.

He also wondered why he was still listed as Seth’s emergency contact. It would be understandable back in the days of the Shield, but Dean couldn’t understand why Seth would keep that now.

“Hey Ro, any missed calls on your phone last night?”

“Nope.” – Roman replied curtly.

So Seth removed Roman’s contact but still kept Dean’s.

“Right.” – Dean nodded and set the bag on the floor before returning to the bed and sat down next to Roman. – “I just want to make sure he’s okay. There’s no one with him and you know the stuffs about his family. You can come with me if you want?”

“You already made up your mind that you’ll go to him.” – Roman said matter-of-factly.

“He just had a surgery.” – Dean sighed. – “I can’t just… leave him there by himself. Please understand that.”

“I do.” – Roman managed a smile and leaned in to kiss Dean’s cheek. – “You go ahead, I need to set up a few things so I’ll be there in a week or so.”

“I love you.” – Dean replied thankfully. – “This doesn’t change anything, I promise.”

Roman nodded, but Dean felt like Roman was reassuring himself more than he was believing Dean.

* * *

 

When Seth woke up and realized where he was and what had happened, he wanted to close his eyes and sleep until his injury was healed, through the pain and the rehab, so that he could forget the fact that he had to abdicate his championship that he had worked so hard for.

Surgery was painful, and it was so hard to sit still and watch doctors coming to look at him everyday and nurses checking on him every hour. He was so glad he was allowed to come home after a few days in the hospital. It hurt every time he moved his leg, but at least he was in his own house. The doctors still come by every day, but Seth gave them his house keys so they could let themselves in.

He blamed himself for all of this. His plan was perfect, becoming a part of the Authority so that he could be _the man,_ the face of the company, and the champion that he had dreamed about ever since he was a kid. But now, everything he had worked so hard for was all gone, because of one small mistake. He had lost everything and everyone.

He heard the sound of the key turning in the door so Seth stopped thinking that he was a failure for a few seconds. He’d return to those thoughts when he was alone. He always had to keep a neutral expression; he never allowed anyone to see his vulnerable side. Then he heard shoes being taken off and footsteps slowly getting louder as they reached the downstairs bedroom.

“Come on in.” – He said tiredly. He just wanted all of this to be over. The sooner the doctors were done with him, the sooner he could go back to self-loathing.

The door opened and Dean was standing on the other side, duffel bags in hand, looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“I’m still listed as your emergency contact.” – Dean said evenly and stepped into the room. – “Anywhere I can put these?”

“Bedroom.” – Seth wasn’t sure if he was hallucinating. – “Upstairs, second the door on the left.”

“Alright.” – Dean nodded. – “I’ll be right back. Have you eaten? Taken your medicines?”

Seth was sure he was imagining this now. No way Dean would treat him this kindly in real life. Before, sure. But after Seth had betrayed him, not really.

“I ate already, something doctors wanted me to. They’ll be here to check up on me soon I think.” – Still, Seth replied. Talking to an imaginary Dean was way more fun than talking to himself. At least this Dean did not seem to hate him.

“Second door on the left, isn’t that your bedroom?” – Dean asked curiously but still, he left the room.

“That’s where you always put your stuffs.” – Seth mumbled to himself.

Dean heard him anyway.

* * *

 

The next time Seth opened his eyes, he didn't see Dean. Instead, a doctor was checking his knee.

“Your friend let me in.” – The doctor said. – “You can ease up on the painkillers now if it they make you too groggy. He said you fell asleep minutes after talking to him. Don’t move around too much okay? He told me he’s here to help you so let him, please. This is a long process, I don’t want you to overwork yourself.”

“I completely understand what you’re saying right now.” – Seth yawned. – “But I’m not sure I’m gonna remember it tomorrow. Do you mind writing it down or something?”

“No worries, Doc. I’ll remember.”

Seth turned to the sound of the voice and was taken aback when he realized that Dean was still here.

“No offense, but I don’t think he can see you.” – Seth turned to Dean and whispered. – “I must have missed you so much to imagine you being here with me like this.”

There was silence for a while so Seth closed his eyes. He felt like falling asleep again. He could hear people talking, but he could not make out what they were saying. Maybe the doctor was still talking to him. Too bad, Seth could not comprehend anything right now. Everything was noise. But then his mind decided to play tricks on him again, because he could understand one sentence being said.

“You’re not imagining me. I’m really here.”


	6. Empty your sadness

* * *

Before coming to Seth’s house, Dean had stopped at a local market to buy fruits and vegetables. He was glad to have done so because the fruits in Seth’s fridge had gone bad.

Dean hated the fact that he still remembered where Seth put everything in the kitchen. It was like fate was laughing at him. The last time he had been in Seth’s house, it was their one-year anniversary.

He quickly shook those thoughts away and cut some oranges and apples and put them onto a plate. When he finished, he brought it to Seth’s room along with two forks.

Seth was sitting up in his bed with his blanket up to his nose. He looked adorable, but Dean willed himself not to say that out loud.

Seth stared at him for a while without blinking. Dean sighed and looked around. It was a guest bedroom, but since Seth could not move around too much, he had to stay downstairs for the time being. There was no chair in the room, so Dean sat down at the edge of the bed, mindful of not touching Seth, and sat down the plate in the space between them.

“Fresh fruits, eat up.” – Dean handed him a fork, and Seth looked at it for a few seconds before reaching out.

He grabbed Dean’s hand instead.

“I still think you’re not real.” – Seth murmured. – “If you’re real, you would never let me hold your hand.”

“For the last time, you’re not imagining me.” – Dean sighed.

“Why are you here then? To laugh at me?” – Seth asked skeptically.

“Do I look like I’m laughing at you?” – Dean rolled his eyes and try to take his hand back, but Seth held on. – “I want to make sure you’re okay after the surgery.”

Seth’s face fell at that. For a few moments he had forgotten all about his injury and the long process of rehab ahead before he could be allowed to compete again. Because Dean was here, he hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything else.

“I lost my title.” – Seth murmured.

Dean stopped trying to get his hand back. Instead he gently squeezed Seth’s fingers. _He had no idea why he was doing this._ It just felt like Seth needed him somehow.

“You’ll get it back.” – Dean said, surprisingly even himself.

He had repeated over and over on his way to Seth’s house that he was only here to support Seth physically with things he could not do yet after the surgery. That was it. He was not prepared to be here for Seth emotionally.

“You really think so?” – Seth asked in disbelief. – “You’re not just saying that to comfort me are you?”

“I’ve never been good at making you feel better, so.” – Dean shrugged and used his free hand to pierce a piece of apple with the other fork. He put it up to Seth’s mouth. – “Open.”

Seth did as he was told. He was too shocked at that gesture to say anything else. Parts of him still thought Dean was not actually here right now, but he still enjoyed his presence. He opened his mouth to tell him that, but Dean just fed him a piece of orange.

“I didn’t have apples or oranges in my fridge.” – Seth said as he was chewing.

“I bought them.” – Dean said evenly. – “You need to eat this kind of stuffs after surgery.”

Seth nodded and automatically opened his mouth after swallowing the fruit. Dean obliged and fed him another.

“Is Roman okay with you coming here?” – Seth asked curiously.

Dean stilled for a bit. He had not thought about Roman since he stepped inside Seth’s house. His first thought was, _“I don’t need permission from anyone to do anything,”_ but he realized that he had asked Roman his opinion.

“Totally fine.” – Dean nodded. – “He’ll be here in a week or so.”

Seth had been skeptical about Dean’s concern of his well-being, but now, he was certain Dean was lying to him. Roman hated him, why would he care about Seth’s injury?

“Why would he be here, exactly?”

“He worries about you too.” – Dean explained. – “You’re still important to him, although he doesn’t show it anymore.”

Seth nodded, pleasantly surprised at this answer. Then he realized something important.

“You said he worries about me too.” – He recalled. – “That means you’re the other person who also cares about me.”

Dean had no idea why every time Seth was involved, he could not control what he said. Everything he felt, he unconsciously just let Seth know. He was suddenly very aware that he was still holding hands with Seth and feeding him fruits at the same time. _Who does this with their ex-boyfriend anyway?_

“I’m gonna need my hand back sooner or later.” – Dean changed the subject completely and gestured at their linked hands.

“Later then.” – Seth grinned and opened his mouth again.

Dean fed him, but he told himself that he only did so because Seth was injured, although the rational part of his brain knew that Seth was perfectly capable of feeding himself.

* * *

 

It was after Seth had fallen asleep again that Dean remembered he had forgotten to call Roman. He mentally cursed himself and pressed call, hoping that Roman wouldn’t be too mad at him.

_“Hey Dean.”_ – Roman picked up on the second ring. – _“You got there safely?”_

“I did.” – Dean replied. – “Seth’s okay. He’s not allowed to move around too much, but other than that, he’s okay. Doc told me that he needs lots of rest, but I have a feeling that he would want to start rehab as soon as possible.”

_“That sounds like him.” –_ Roman chuckled. – _“And how did he react to you being there?”_

Dean paused for a second before answering.

“He thought he imagined me.”

Roman laughed, but Dean could not tell if he was amused or surprised. He could not tell the tone at all, and he usually could. Dean was about to ask what Roman was thinking, but there was a sound of thumping from the bedroom and Dean heard Seth’s yelp afterwards.

“I have to go, I’ll call you back later okay?” – Dean said hurriedly and hung up.

The first thing Dean noticed when he ran into the room was that Seth was on the floor. His heart hurt for some reason seeing Seth there, so he came over and held Seth up, careful of the injured leg, and put Seth back onto the bed.

“I woke up and forgot I was hurt for a second.” – Seth explained.

“Did you hurt anywhere else?” – Dean asked carefully. – “Try to remember, okay? And next time if you need something, tell me.”

Seth stared at him in bewilderment; and Dean had to remind himself to look away. He did not understand why Seth had looked at him like this so many times already.

“We’re… we’re broken up, right?” – Seth asked. – “I just want to make sure, because you’re confusing me right now with how you act around me. Why are you being so nice? Why are you here, Dean? What do you want from me? Do you like… do you want to get back together or something?”

“We’re not together anymore.” – Dean confirmed, but he had no idea what to say after that without bringing up stuffs from the past.

“Okay.” – Seth nodded. – “Do you… want us to be back together?” – He asked hesitantly.

“I’m with Roman.” – Dean replied automatically.

“That’s not what I asked.” – Seth gave him a small smile, encouragingly. He reached over to hold Dean’s hand again. – “Do you want to get back together with me?”

Dean hated the fact that he needed to think about this instead of saying no immediately. He hated that Seth still had this influence over him. And he hated that he still let Seth do this kind of thing to him.

“You broke up with me.” – Dean reminded him and took his hand back, this time forcefully. – “I’m not here to win you back. I’m here to help you because like it or not, Roman and I are the ones who understand you the most. And right now, we’re here to support you. That’s it, okay? Don’t confuse it with something that it’s not.”

Seth looked like someone had just kicked his puppy.

“That’s… fine.” – He said. – “Thank you for being here for me. I know that in the past I have…”

“Let’s not bring up old stuffs.” – Dean cut him off. – “Right now you should focus on your recovery. And I don’t mean that you’re gonna start trying to walk on your own tomorrow. Just… rest, for now, okay? Then you’ll start rehab when Doc says you can, and you’ll be back in no time.”

“None of them has called me.” – Seth murmured. – “The Authority, I mean. I thought they’d at least call to check on me, but they haven’t.”

He looked so sad that Dean did not have the heart to tell him that the Authority had already announced their search for a new face of the company, a new champion.

“Maybe they’re busy.” – Dean offered, because he wasn’t lying at all.

“You’re really good at changing the subject.” – Seth mused. – “You haven’t answered my question earlier.”

Dean chuckled, but he had already thought about other possible subjects to take Seth’s mind away from these thoughts. Because even if he wanted to answer, he had no idea what his reply would be.

_Does he want to get back together with Seth?_


	7. We put your curse in reverse

* * *

Dean wished that Roman would just get here already. After years of not talking to or caring for Seth, Dean had almost forgotten how needy Seth could get if he wanted something. Back in the days when the Shield was still together, whenever Seth had been sick, Dean or Roman or sometimes both of them had had to comply with all of Seth’s wishes, no matter how arbitrary they could have been. One time Seth had had a flu, he had craved chicken noodle soup at one in the morning and Roman had begrudgingly gone and looked for it. Dean could have gone with him, but Seth had wanted Dean to himself.

It was not unlike the current situation at all, because despite how many times Dean had told Seth that he was with Roman now, Seth was still under the impression that there was a possibility they would get back together. Dean still had no idea if that was what he wanted, but he knew that he would not decide anything or act upon anything until Roman got here.

At the moment, Dean was watching a doctor doing some checkups on Seth’s knees. In the morning Seth had wanted pancakes with maple syrup and Dean had made them for him without question. Dean told himself that he had done it because Seth was still sad and shocked that none of the Authority members had called to check up on him, and it was almost a week since Seth had gotten back from the hospital.

“The injury is healing quite nicely.” – The doctor said.

“You don’t say.” – Seth rolled his eyes, but realized that he was being impolite. – “Sorry, that was rude, I’m just… When can I start rehabbing?”

“As I’ve told you yesterday, Seth, not any time soon. You can start using crutches next week.” – The doctor smiled kindly at him. – “But I’m glad that you’re enthusiastic about getting better.”

“It’s getting back in the ring that he wants.” – Dean mused.

“And being the champion again.” – Seth added. – “But you’re right, I miss being in the ring.”

“You’ll be back sooner than you think.” – The doctor sympathized. – “That’s it for today, I’ll see you both in two days.”

Seth greeted him and Dean led him back to the entrance. He was about to thank him when the doctor turned and looked at him all serious.

“He has a tendency to overwork himself. Please don’t let him do that.”

Dean nodded. This he already knew, but he had no idea how he could prevent Seth from doing it.

“I’ll try, but no promises.” – Dean shrugged.

“That’s all I can ask anyway.” – The doctor smiled sympathetically. – “It’s good that you’re here with him.”

Dean did not know how to respond to that, so he nodded and opened the door.

After the doctor had left, Dean waited for a while before coming back to Seth’s room. Seth looked up from his phone when Dean entered.

“I’m going for a run.” – Dean announced. He just thought of that on the spot. – “Do you want me to get you anything?”

“I… uh… no I’m good.” – Seth stuttered. – “Isn’t it cold outside though?”

“Perfect weather for running.” – Dean shrugged. – “Alright, I’ll be back soon.”

Dean started to leave when Seth’s phone rang.

“It’s Stephanie.” – Seth exclaimed when Dean turned around and raised up the phone for Dean to see. – “I can’t believe she’s calling.”

“I can’t believe she’s calling now.” – Dean sighed. – “Just… be careful, okay?”

Seth actually looked insulted at that remark.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m still part of the Authority.” – He huffed. – “And she cares about me, they all do. Like you said before, they just haven’t had time to call me.”

Dean turned away again and waved his hand, both in goodbye and in dismissal. He did not believe for a second that they still cared about Seth, or if they even did in the first place. But he knew Seth still believed in them; and Dean did not have the energy or the will to bring up something that would start a fight.

Dean really wished Roman would get here soon. He missed him.

* * *

 

When Dean got back, he noticed that there was another pair of expensive-looking shoes by the door. Then he heard voices coming from Seth’s room and Seth’s signature cackle.

Then the door opened and Triple H walked out, a smile still on his face.

“Dean, you’re back from your run.” – He greeted Dean liked he was greeting a friend he had not seen in a long time.

“… Triple H. Nice to see you.” – Dean said politely.

“Seth told me you’ve been taking care of him.” – Triple H smiled, and Dean had never felt more uncomfortable seeing someone smile before this.

“Yep.” – Dean nodded.

Triple H regarded him for a few seconds before smirking and headed toward the entrance.

“I just talked to Seth so I’ll be going now. It’s good to see you Dean.”

“You too.” – Dean replied and knocked on Seth’s door.

There was a grunt so he took that as a “come in” and opened the door. Seth looked happier than he had ever been in the last week.

“I convinced Doc to let me use crutches sooner than expected.” – Seth announced excitedly. – “Someone will drop them off tomorrow.”

Dean nodded. He felt happy for Seth.

“I just saw Triple H outside.”

“Yeah, Steph called to let me know that he’s in the area; and he visited.” – Seth smiled.

Dean nodded again absentmindedly.

“Are you okay?” – Seth asked earnestly.

Dean almost laughed at the irony of it all. Seth was the injured one, and yet he was asking if Dean was alright.

“Peachy.” – Dean settled that for a reply.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” – Seth’s voice was gentle, like he thought he had hurt Dean.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” – Dean shrugged, and felt compelled to add. – “That time.”

This made Seth cackle; and Dean hated that he had missed that sound already, although he had heard it only minutes earlier. He also hated that he loved the crinkles around Seth’s eyes when he cackled. _He must be going out of his mind._

He wondered if he would ever stop missing Seth, even if Seth was right here in front of him.

“That’s the Dean I know and love.” – Seth mused.

Dean blinked. Seth stared back at him, unwavering.

He knew what he had said; and he wasn’t taking it back.

* * *

 

_The first time Seth had said he loved Dean, it was by accident._

_They had gotten back from Extreme Rules, high from excitement after the Shield had won the U.S. title and the Tag team title. They raided the minibar of the hotel and ordered so much food that the floor was full of takeout boxes._

_Roman had fallen asleep after eating almost half the food, content in his own bed since Seth and Dean would share the other bed._

_Dean looked at the three titles on the shelf and blinked a few times. When he opened his eyes, they were still there. He had not imagined winning them. They really had done it._

_“I know right?” – Seth followed his gaze and smiled happily. – “We made it.”_

_“We made it.” – Dean repeated and looked at Seth. – “Couldn’t have done it without you and Roman.”_

_Seth almost shied away from that look. Dean looked at him like Seth was the only thing worth looking at, like he was admiring a painting in a museum, like he was staring at the night sky, like Seth was the sunny day after a week of rain. But instead of looking away, Seth touched Dean’s hair and slightly ruffled it._

_“Your hair is fluffy.” – Seth commented. – “I love it when it’s like this.”_

_Dean thought that Seth had had too much to drink. Roman had eaten half of the food but Seth had drunk almost two thirds of the mini bar._

_“Okay, I think it’s time for bed.” – Dean said after Seth had not stopped touching his hair. Was touching the right word? It was more like caressing, judging by the careful gentleness that Seth was stroking it._

_“You’re amazing.” – Seth smiled. There were crinkles around his eyes when he did._

_“You’re amazing.” – Dean repeated, because Seth really was._

_“Are you gonna keep repeating what I said all night?” – Seth asked, amusement in his tone._

_Dean laughed, and took Seth’s hands in his. He stared at the linked fingers, amazed at how content he felt._

_“Probably.” – Dean shrugged. – “We can make a game out of it. I’ll repeat what you say and the one who wakes Roman up loses.”_

_Seth outright giggled at that; and not two seconds later, a pillow hit his head._

_“Some of us need to sleep.” – Roman grumbled. – “If you two knuckleheads could keep it down a bit, that’d be great.”_

_Seth looked at Dean like he had been betrayed and Dean burst out laughing._

_Then a pillow hit him too, and it was Seth’s turn to laugh._

_It took about a full minutes of Roman reprimanding them and complaining about not getting enough of his beauty sleep before Seth and Dean could stop laughing._

_“My stomach hurt.” – Seth wiped a tear from his eye and nudged Dean’s side. – “I love you, but honestly, you’re such a little shit sometimes.”_

_Dean laughed again, but stopped when he realized what Seth had said. It wasn’t funny anymore._

_“I didn’t mean to tell you that now. Maybe when we wake up tomorrow you won’t even remember.” – Seth looked at him. – “But I’m not taking it back.”_

_Dean did remember it in the morning._

He remembered it more clearly than he had remembered anything else.

He still remembered it after Seth had put a chair to his back.


	8. Your love is anemic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated the tags for the fic so please be careful about reading if you don't like them!

* * *

The news of Seth’s injuries was everywhere. Some fans even came up to Roman and told him they wished Seth a speedy recovery. Roman only smiled politely and thanked them. He couldn’t really say that he had not had a real conversation with Seth in ages.

He wondered if Seth and Dean saw the news as well. Maybe they didn’t. If Roman remembered correctly, Seth disliked TV in general; and Dean only watched it when he could not sleep.

Speaking of, Roman wondered if he should call Dean. On the one hand, of course he should. Dean was his boyfriend (It still felt surreal when he thought about that word.) On the other hand, he still felt uneasy that Dean and Seth were together right now. Not that he didn’t trust Dean, because he trusted Dean with his life. It was because he knew Dean; and he knew how Seth had always been Dean’s weakness.

No matter how much Seth had broken Dean, Dean would always be weak for him.

* * *

 

Seth hated crutches.

He had only been using them for five minutes, but he had already almost fallen over three times; and he had cursed a whole lot more than that. But it did not mean he would give up though. The clutches were literally his means of transport right now. Of course, he could ask for Dean’s help, but he was determined to move on his own. Plus, it helped that Dean was observing him carefully right now, like he was ready to catch Seth if he fell.

Fifteen minutes and a whole lot more cursing later, Seth was able to walk around the first floor without bumping into anything or tripping over. He counted that as a success.

Dean had dutifully followed him around; and it made him happy and depressed at the same time. He was happy because Dean was paying attention to him; and he was depressed because Dean only did so because he was injured.

“You okay?”

Seth blinked. Dean was looking at him curiously.

“Fine, fine.” – Seth answered automatically.

“You’ve been staring at the chair for a whole minute.” – Dean commented. – “Wanna sit down? Or keep walking if you want, I don’t know.”

Seth felt tired all of a sudden.

“I’ll just… go back to bed.” – Seth gestured his head at the door.

“Are you okay?” – Dean came closer to him. – “Is this too much? Damn it I should have listened to Doc. You’re pushing yourself.”

“No, I just want to lie down for a bit.” – Seth sighed. When he had realized that he was tired, he lost all motivation to do anything.

Dean nodded and followed Seth to the bedroom. Once Seth had settled in bed, Dean took his crutches and carefully leaned them against the wall within Seth’s reach.

“Need anything else?” – Dean asked, more out of habit than anything else.

Seth stared up at him then looked down at his own hands.

“Can you sit with me?” – He asked in a small voice.

A part of Dean wanted to lie down next to Seth, curl up to him, and stay there forever. All the other parts _hated_ that he still felt that way. So instead, he nodded and sat down on the bed, mindful of not touching Seth. Seth sighed and lifted up his cover and draped it over Dean as well.

The cover smelled like Seth; and Dean had to will himself to inhale slowly.

“I’m sorry.” – Seth said. – “I know we’re not… I know this is not what we do anymore, but… Sorry, right now I just feel shitty about myself. And being with you helps. I don’t know why, but you’ve always managed to calm me down.”

Dean almost scoffed because no one had ever said that to him. His reputation was riling people up, not calming them down. And here was Seth, the person who made Dean think first before doing reckless things and feel things he had never thought he was capable of feeling, saying that Dean was the one who had a calming effect on him.

“We used to do this a lot.” – Dean mused and relaxed himself on the bed.

“Hmm.” – Seth made an approval noise and closed his eyes. Dean always quieted Seth’s mind. – “This reminds me of the hotel we got after Payback 14. Remember? The bed was so comfy. I thought it was the mattress so the next day I asked the receptionist where they bought it from; and I got the same one.”

“Yeah I remember. I was there.” – Dean replied.

“But it didn’t feel the same. It smelled different.” – Seth laughed. – “And then I realized I only thought it was comfy because you were there with me.”

Dean wondered why Seth never told him about this before. Then he realized that the next day after Payback, Seth had joined the Authority.

“Do you ever have days where nothing happened and you still feel tired at the end? I mean, most of the time I feel useless, but some days are worse than others.” – Seth continued.

“Yeah.” – Dean nodded. – “I do, actually.”

“I… I think I might be depressed.” – Seth said quietly.

Dean was silent for a while after that. He didn’t understand why Seth was telling him this. He didn’t know what the appropriate reply should be.

“I’ve never admitted it out loud.” – Seth laughed bitterly. – “I don’t even know why I told you.”

“Maybe you needed to tell someone. You can talk to me if you want.” – Dean said carefully. – “I’m sorry that you feel that way. It’s not your fault, at all.”

Seth looked at him in disbelief.

“You took that surprisingly well.”

“What else would I do?” – Dean shrugged. The urge to hold Seth was getting stronger.

Seth actually smiled at that; so Dean supposed he had said the right thing.

“I think I’ve never told anyone because I was afraid it would be used against me later.”

“I think people would make fun of your cackle before they think of using depression to blackmail you. And maybe you shouldn’t have told me, considering we’re still rivals and all. But I think I’m more creative than that. I’ll probably laugh at your… skinny jeans or something.” – Dean said.

Seth cackled again and Dean was weak. For the life of him, he had no idea why he was attracted to Seth’s Waluigi-like noise. He turned to Seth, ready to mock that laugh, but Seth’s hands were cupping his face.

“You get me.” – Seth murmured, before kissing him.

Dean let it happen for a few seconds, _because it was reflex or muscle memory or maybe he missed Seth_ , but then he leaned back and gently pushed Seth back as well.

“We can’t do this anymore. We’re not…” – Dean sighed, because he missed Seth’s lips already.

Seth blinked. His hands were still around Dean’s face.

“Sorry.” – Seth said immediately. – “I’m sorry. I won’t do it anymore.”

Dean offered his hand instead. Seth took it, confusion written on his face.

“This is okay.” – Dean gestured at their linked hands. At least he thought so.

He sat back against the pillows and closed his eyes. Seth looked down at their hands in amazement. _It had been so long. He missed Dean’s hands._

Unconsciously, he traced his thumb alongside Dean’s wrist. _How did he ever give up on them?_ He just wanted to stay here in bed, with Dean next to him, for as long as he could.

And he felt something beneath his thumb. He looked down and sharply inhaled.

There were jagged scars on the inside of Dean’s wrists with various lengths. Some looked newer than others. Seth looked at Dean, who was looking relaxed for the first time since he got to Seth’s house.

Seth loved that Dean was letting him in again. But he hated that he was about to make Dean close up on him once more.

“Since when did you do this?” – Seth asked in a careful tone.

Dean opened his eyes and looked down at their hands. Seth could see the moment he tensed up.

“Oh… they’re… healed now.” – Dean replied, nonchalantly-like.

“That’s not an answer.” – Seth sighed.

“It is. You just don’t like it.”

Dean took his hand back.

“Why did you do it? And since when? There’re so many of them.” – Seth asked worriedly.

What he really wanted to ask was, _“How come I didn’t know about them?”_

“Why do you care anyway?” – Dean scoffed. He realized that he had been too careless around Seth; and now it had backfired on him.

“I always care about you.” – Seth responded and Dean huffed at that. – “Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m telling the truth.”

“I stopped when the Shield was formed.” – Dean shrugged.

So many questions just popped up in Seth’s head. _“Stopped” meant that Dean had started doing this before. And since when? Did Roman know about them? If he knew, why didn’t he stop Dean? And why did Dean start doing it?_

“This is why I always used to wear armbands.” – Dean continued.

Seth felt like crying. He knew he was a scumbag, but he did not know the extent of his ignorance until now. _He and Dean had been together; and Seth had never noticed these scars._

“Can I ask why?” – Seth asked softly.

Dean just shrugged and flashed Seth a tiny smile. He pulled the cover over both of them and lied down on the bed, turning away from Seth.

Seth sighed and lied down as well. He had to refrain himself from holding Dean closer.

Dean was right. They couldn’t do that anymore.


	9. And I still feel that rush in my veins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating has (finally) changed! Flashbacks are in italics. This chapter is inspired by the song Closer by The Chainsmokers and Halsey.

* * *

When Dean opened his eyes again, it was because of the feeling of something warm on his head. He blinked a few times and realized that he was burying his face in the crook of Seth’s neck; and Seth was currently stroking his hair.

“I like it when your hair is all fluffy like this. So soft.” – Seth murmured.

Dean had no idea how, or if Seth even knew Dean was awake, or he was just talking to himself. Then Dean realized Seth must have felt Dean blinking, since they were so close to each other.

“Yours is too. But you always want to get it wet before a match.” – Dean replied.

“You know, when I came to your locker room, you said it has been a year since we talked to each other.” – Seth said, a bit hesitantly. – “But we talked once, about a month after…”

“After you stabbed me in the back?” – Dean finished that sentence for him. – “Doesn’t really count as talking, I don’t think.”

Truth was, Dean had completely forgotten about it. A few weeks after Seth’s betrayal, Dean did seek him out.

* * *

 

_He didn’t understand anything. There was no reason for Seth to do what he did at all. Maybe he had a plan? But why would he keep it to himself? At least he should have talked to Dean and Roman, if not beforehand to warn them then after, to check on them. Seth did neither of those, and Dean was pissed right now. He had meant every word he said in the ring, about how Seth was a scumbag and the things he would do to Seth if he could get his hands on him. But week after week passed by, and it seemed to Dean that Seth did not have any hidden plan. He was truly a part of the Authority now._

_So Dean did the only logical thing he could think of. He stalked Seth’s locker room and waited until he was there alone, and Dean knocked on the door._

_“Joey, I already told you, I don’t want to talk to anyone today.” – Seth said from behind the door._

_Dean knocked again._

_“What the f…” – Seth opened the door and did not finish that sentence._

_Dean pushed him inside and locked the door after them. He regretted coming here already, but it was too late now. Seth was still looking at him like he could not believe Dean was actually there, so Dean sighed, ignored all his common sense and judgment, and kissed Seth._

_The last time he had kissed Seth, he hadn’t been aware if was their last kiss. If he had known, he would have made it more memorable._

_“Dean…” – Seth’s hands immediately entangled themselves around Dean’s neck._

_“Tell me no.” – Dean murmured. Honestly, the only thing that would stop him right now was Seth saying he didn’t want this._

_Seth’s hands tightened around him._

_“Seth, tell me no.” – Dean repeated. He sounded like he was pleading._

_“Can’t.” – Seth said quietly. – “I can’t say no to you.”_

_Dean sighed in relief and kissed Seth again. He could not think of anything rational about what he was doing. He only paid attention to how Seth was still so responsive, moaning and gripping him closer, like he didn’t want to let Dean go._

_Except that he did. But Dean could not bring himself to care right now._

_His hands came down to Seth’s suit jacket. He hated that Seth started doing this because of the Authority and he almost ripped it off Seth. He thought Seth would have let him._

_“What’s wrong?” – Seth asked between the kisses when he realized Dean wasn’t undressing him._

_“Nothing.” – Dean replied quickly and, surprising even himself, actually unbuttoned Seth’s jacket and shirt before taking them off._

_Tearing them apart would be making a mark on them; and right now Dean did not want Seth to look at anything and have it remind him of Dean._

_Seth seemed astounded at that, but he didn’t say anything. In contrast to Dean, he almost seemed hurry to take Dean’s clothes off._

_Dean let him. He knew this was the last time._

_Seth pushed Dean down to the sofa. It was the first time Dean had seen a sofa in a locker room actually. But of course things would be more luxurious now that Seth was part of the Authority._

_“Stop thinking.” – Seth murmured and bit Dean’s lower lip gently._

_Dean wrapped his arms around Seth’s middle and pulled him down on top of Dean as an answer. Not that he really needed Seth’s reminder. Dean never seemed to think clearly when Seth was around._ _Seth hastily took off his remaining clothes and kissed Dean briefly before pulling back. He went to his duffel bag and got a condom and lube and came back to the sofa, straddling Dean. Without taking his eyes off Dean, Seth rolled condom on him and poured lube onto his own fingers._

_Dean stared in amazement as Seth stretched himself in front of him. Usually Seth loved it when Dean did this to him. But they were both in a hurry right now; and Dean usually took his time with this, enjoying every noise that Seth made._ _When Seth took Dean’s cock in his hands, slathering more lube on it, and pushed it toward his opening, Dean let him to what he wanted._

_There was nothing gentle about it. Seth moved on top of Dean, and every time he pushed down, Dean thrust up and Seth would make these noises that Dean wanted to commit to memory forever._ _When Dean felt that he was close, he sat up and angled his thrusts more purposefully. Seth let out a breathless moan; and he wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck._

_Dean wanted to cry. So he held Seth close to him as both of them came, knowing fully that this was never happening again._

_“I love you.” – Dean breathed against Seth’s neck._

_He heard something like a whimper and Seth pulled him closer again. They were flushed against each other; and Dean could hear Seth’s heart violently beating._

_Seth did not reply though; and it was all the answer Dean needed. He leaned back and pulled out from Seth without looking at him. Seth quietly stood up and put his clothes back on. Dean got rid of the condom and got dressed again. Then he headed straight to the door. He opened it and heard his name being called, but he stepped out and closed the door behind him anyway._  

* * *

 

Dean cringed when he remembered that time. He sat up and Seth let out a dissatisfied huff when he could not longer touch Dean’s hair.

“What are you doing, Seth?” – Dean asked tiredly.

“I don’t know.” – Seth replied honestly. – “I just… missed you. A lot, all the time, when I was with them, and afterwards too.”

Dean sighed. It seemed like they always went back to this, no matter what they did.

“That didn’t answer my question at all Seth. Just tell me, honestly, what are you doing?”

Seth thought for a while before responding.

“I’m trying to win you back.”

“And I lost count of how many times I’ve told you this, but I’m with Roman now. I think you only feel this way because we’ve been spending so much time together, maybe it’s just familiarity or something. Because you seemed fine before.”

It was the only logical explanation Dean could offer.

“I never stopped missing you.” – Seth said sadly.

“Well, we were friends who got together.” – Dean gave him a small smile. – “Maybe you missed having real friends.”

“Can you please stop trying to analyze my feelings?” – Seth groaned.

Dean sighed again, but didn’t say anything else. Seth had a point. No matter what he felt, it was all his. Dean really didn’t have a say as to why.

Luckily, before Dean said something that could lead a conversation to an argument, his phone rang. Roman was calling him.

“Be right back.” – Dean waved his phone and headed to the door.

He thought maybe he heard Seth said something, but he left anyway.

“Hey Ro.” – Dean picked up the phone and tried to will his voice to be more cheerful.

_“Hey Dean, how’s everything going?” –_ Roman asked softly.

“Good, good. Everything’s fine. Seth started using crutches today.”

_“Already? Isn’t it a bit soon?”_

“He convinced Doc to let him.” – Dean sighed. – “But he hadn’t fallen once so I guess that’s good.”

Roman let out a laugh and Dean had never missed him more.

“When can you get here?” – He asked immediately.

_“I’ll be there next week.” –_ Roman replied, and added in a playful tone. – _“What’s wrong? Miss me already?”_

“I do.” – Dean confessed. – “I miss you.”

There was a slight pause, then Dean heard Roman chuckle.

_“I miss you too baby. I’ll be there soon, okay? Just hang in there.”_

If any other person attempted to call Dean “baby,” he would have hit him in the face. But when it came from Roman, it was reassuring and gentle.

“Can’t wait.” – Dean murmured. – “See you soon, Ro.”


	10. It twisted my head just a bit to think

* * *

Roman hesitated before pressing the doorbell. He didn’t even know why he was hesitating. He had texted Dean an hour ago, saying he was on his way, so his arrival would not be a surprise at all.

He sighed and took out his phone to call Dean instead.

A minute later, Dean opened the door and hugged him immediately. It was the reaction he had hoped for, but not expected. It was hard to say how Dean acted around Seth.

“You’re here.” – Dean murmured and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah I’m here.” – Roman stroked Dean’s hair and inhaled. He missed this scent so…

Dean smelled a bit different.

“I ran out of my shampoo so I’ve been using Seth’s.” – Dean spoke up when he felt Roman stop stroking his hair.

“I didn’t say anything.” – Roman chuckled.

“You’re thinking it, I can tell.” – Dean huffed. – “Let’s get you inside.”

* * *

  
There were three bedrooms in Seth’s house. One was Seth’s room, the other two were guest bedrooms. Since Seth had been staying in the guest room downstairs, he thought that when Roman got here he could stay in the remaining guest room upstairs that Dean had been living in. He had to refrain from thinking that Roman and Dean would be staying together, because of course they would, nothing he could do about it.

Seth looked up from his bed when he heard a knock on his door. The door was open; and Roman was standing there smiling at him.

“Oh hey. Did you just get here?” – Seth greeted, surprised at the casualness in his voice.

It was like nothing had changed at all.

“Yeah.” – Roman nodded. – “Dean just went out, said needed to buy more fruits.”

“Oh okay.” – Seth replied easily and gestured at the chair. – “Do you want to sit down? Anything to drink? Last time he bought so much juice, I think we still have some in the fridge.”

Roman sat down and shook his head. He was beginning to feel like maybe Dean went out so that he and Seth would be home alone.

“So how have you been? I’m sorry I couldn’t be here earlier.”

“It’s fine, really.” – Seth said. – “I really appreciate the fact that you came, so thank you. And I’ve been recovering. Dean really helps me a lot.”

Seth realized that he was rambling. Why the hell did he have to mention Dean every time he opened his mouth anyway?

“That’s good then.” – Roman hesitated before continuing. – “I think I owe you an apology, for being a jerk when we were in Dean’s locker room last time.”

“Last time?” – Seth repeated, frowning. – “But you weren’t…”

Roman looked at him with raised eyebrows and confusion.

_He almost said “Last time I was in Dean’s locker room, you weren’t there.”_

“… You weren’t being a jerk. I deserved it.” – Seth continued. – “Can’t really expect you to be nice to me after what I did.”

“But Dean forgave you, and I think I should too.” – Roman gave him a small smile. – “You did what you had to do.”

Seth stretched his arms forward and Roman immediately hugged him.

“I’m really sorry Ro.” – He murmured. – “If there’s one thing I regret, it’s hurting you guys.”

Roman rubbed his back a few times; and Seth was reminded of instances in the past where they had been on the road and Dean was off somewhere with his need to be alone. Those times, if Seth had nightmares, Roman would be the one who told him everything would be okay.

“It’s fine, Seth. I forgive you for breaking up the Shield.” – Roman answered.

The underlying message was clear. Roman could forgive him for that, but apparently not for something else that he had done. It was fine, anyway. There was no way he could be forgiven for breaking Dean’s heart.

“Thank you. I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Of course I’m here. You’ll always be my little brother.” – Roman patted his back a few times and let go of him. – “How was… wow I’m not even sure if I should ask you this… how was being with the Authority?”

Seth froze up for a few seconds.

“Are you… are you still a part of the Authority?” – Roman clarified.

“Yeah.” – Seth nodded, a bit uneasily.

“That’s okay. Your life, your choice. I’m not gonna judge you or anything. You do whatever you have to, yeah?”

“How are you still so nice to me?” – Seth wondered in disbelief. – “Seriously, both you and Dean. I’ve been horrible to you both, and you just…”

“… Forgive you?” – Roman finished that thought. – “Because that’s what we do. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to do it though.”

“Damn it Ro we need to stop apologizing to each other okay? I’m gonna cry if we continue.” – Seth huffed.

“Aw, my baby brother’s gonna cry.” – Roman laughed and patted his head.

“Stop it, you’re messing up my hair.” – Seth protested half-heartedly.

“Right, because your hair wasn’t messy at all before I touched it.” – Roman rolled his eyes.

“It was a perfect messy bun.” – Seth still complained. He thought that Roman was in a good mood so he figured now was a good time as any. – “Hey, can I ask you something about Dean? Do you know about the scars on his wrists?”

Roman’s face got more complicated.

“Did he show them to you?”

“I saw them and asked him.” – Seth replied honestly.

“What did he say?”

“That he only stopped when the Shield was together.” – Seth sighed. – “So you know about them then? Since when?”

“After we first got together.” – Roman said without looking at Seth. – “So maybe a month after the Shield was done.”

_A month._ Seth thought he heard it wrong. He kept repeating those two words in his head. Because a month after they broke up, Dean had gone to Seth.

And he had started dating Roman afterwards.

“I see.” – Seth nodded in understanding. – “I don’t think he’s still doing it. I mean, the scars didn’t look brand new, so there’s that, at least.”

“Yeah.” – Roman echoed him. – “It’s good that he told you. But please don’t tell anyone else about them.”

“I wouldn’t.” – Seth shook his head immediately. – “I would never do that, I promise.”

He knew that his words weren’t always true. In the past he had promised never to let go of his boys, of his relationship with Dean, of the dream of being on the top as a part of the Shield; and he had gone back on all of those promises. Right now, however, he was hoping with every fiber of his being, that he would never go back on this one.

* * *

  
Dean returned half an hour later with groceries and pizzas. Roman was unsure if eating pizza was good for Seth in his conditions, but Seth had started eating before Roman could say anything out loud. They watched a movie on Netflix and argued about who would win in a fight between the Avengers and the Justice League. When Dean realized that he was alone in believing that the Justice League would win, he threw juice caps at both Roman and Seth while complaining that they did not understand anything.

Afterwards, Roman and Dean made sure that Seth was in bed comfortably with everything he needed before going up to their bedroom upstairs.

“So I’m guessing the talk went well, seeing that at dinner you and Seth treated each other as long lost brothers.” – Dean said after he closed the door.

Roman was getting clothes from his bags; and he laughed at Dean’s remark.

“Did you wait until we’re alone to say that?” – He asked in an amused tone. – “Yeah, we reconciled. Hugged it out. We’re fine now.”

“That’s good.” – Dean nodded. – “I thought that I’d have to clean up broken glasses or something when I got back. I’m glad the talk went well.”

“Did you think we would fight?” – Roman asked curiously.

“Kinda.” – Dean shrugged. – “I thought you were still mad at him; and he’s not in a good place right now so I don’t know… Anyway, the good thing is you didn’t fight. That’s all that matters.”

Roman smiled and walked over to kiss him.

“No matter what he did to the Shield, he’s still family.”

“Why do you have to specify ‘the Shield’?” – Dean raised his eyebrows. – “That’s like implying that there are other things you haven’t forgiven him for.”

Roman kissed him again.

“You’re right. Did you buy shampoo too?”

“I bought the one you usually use.” – Dean smiled. – “I can smell like you now.”

“So you missed me that much then.” – Roman teased.

Dean rolled his eyes but did not disagree. He was glad that Roman was here. He felt like it had gotten confusing, being alone with Seth.

“Yes, I’ve missed you. Now can you please just go take a shower and then cuddle me?” – Dean pushed Roman toward the en-suite. – “And please hurry up, I’m getting sleepy.”

“Fine, I’m going.” – Roman laughed.

He turned around and kissed Dean once more before closing the door.


End file.
